Caseworker Alice Pitney

This is the home of Caseworker Alice Pitney, the driving force behind revolutionary self-improvement programs spreading across the state. Remember, "Not wanting help is the clearest possible indication that in fact you need it."

Thursday, March 29, 2007

City Paper Deplorable!!!!

The Philadelphia City Paper is simply appalling, and their writer Edward Pettit -- if that's his real name -- might need some of my help making the most of his potential. He glorifies Mean Martin Manning and praises unspeakable vices (dare I say it? -- tobacco!) as pleasurable. If other members of the press are going to have this attitude about Mean Martin Manning ... it's too horrible to contemplate. We'll see what Judge Sarnauer has to say about the limits of freedom of the press when civilization is at stake.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

My work is never done...

Thanks to this report, I now have the evidence I need to help people make the most of their potentials and lead healthier lives -- it's long past time we put an end to this menace to public safety. I will be seeing Judge Sarnauer in the morning to see what legal remedies are at our disposal.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Eat Your Veggies!!!

CNN reports: "Fewer than a third of American adults eat the amount of fruits and vegetables the government recommends, a trend that's remained steady for more than a decade, health officials said Thursday [...] 'We have more work to do over the next few years,' said spokeswoman Rachel Ciccarone."

I couldn't have said it better myself. And I should know -- I got Mean Martin Manning to eat broccoli, no minor accomplishment. Now it seems that the entire nation needs my help. Here I come, America!!

Keep improving!!!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Per Contra in cahoots with Martin Manning

Bill Turner of Per Contra should be ashamed of himself. He writes, and I quote, "She is a conglomerate of the practitioners and lieutenants of the nanny society, and she follows the protagonist from doorstep to nightmare with all of the diligence one would expect from a person “here to help.” "

That she is me: Caseworker Alice Pitney. The truth is, I am here to help. And I'm no conglomerate. Instead of defending Martin Manning, calling him a "protagonist," as if he is some sort of hero, Turner should be thankful for my diligence. If not for me, people like Martin Manning would have no chance for improvement at all. Unfortunately, Turner seems to share Manning's juvenile insistence on rights, and ignores the responsibilities we have altogether.

Only a truly sick person would write this: "With a healthy dose of laughter, often audible in my case, Mean Martin Manning is also fun." Fun? Martin Manning? I beg to differ. There is nothing fun about being a danger to oneself as well as others. There is nothing fun about not reaching one's potential. Turner is being terribly irresponsible, misinforming the public this way.

It appears that I have more work to do.