Caseworker Alice Pitney

This is the home of Caseworker Alice Pitney, the driving force behind revolutionary self-improvement programs spreading across the state. Remember, "Not wanting help is the clearest possible indication that in fact you need it."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Heroic Venezuela

We can learn a lot from our friends in Venezuela:

The Venezuelan government is placing a higher tax on alcohol and cigarettes in an effort to cut consumption and prevent what it views as the social, economic and moral consequences of drinking and smoking, said Jose Vielma Mora, superintendent of Seniat, the government body that oversees the collection of taxes.

I'd add a few things to that list, but at least it's a start. It's true, of course, as they say, that "[alcohol] causes much harm, not only to individuals, but to the collective health of the nation." The same could be said of hamburgers, salami, loud music, and skateboarding. When Venezuela has the courage to admit this, and acts accordingly by saving people from their worst impulses with a complete ban on unhealthy behavior, it will truly be a great nation worthy of emulating. I only wish Americans had that kind of courage. I am doing my best to give it to them! It's only a matter of time.

Keep improving!!!!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Breakfast Burrito Must Die!

Hardee's -- you've pushed it too far this time. 920 calories and 60 grams of fat for breakfast? I am in total agreement with Jayne Hurley, senior nutritionist at the Center for Science in the Public Interest. The Country Breakfast Burrito is indeed "another lousy invention by a fast-food company." Unlike CSPI, however, I have the power to keep this "food porn" out of the hands (and mouths and stomachs) of impressionable eaters. The Country Breakfast Burrito is a loaded gun pointed at the American people. I'm a bulletproof vest. Mark my words: Hardee's will be closed for business this time tomorrow!

Keep improving!!!!

Help Us Find Mean Martin Manning

Mean Martin Manning continues to elude authorities and target the very people who are only trying to help others to reach their potential. We need your help. Look out for Mean Martin Manning and immediately tell us where you saw him and what he was doing. With the eyes and ears of an entire caring society, we'll catch him in no time!

Keep improving!!!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Reason not reasonable!

It was quite a busy summer for me, touring this great nation with the governor and meeting all of the ordinary folks who were so grateful for the help we're going to give them.

So you can imagine my shock and dismay when I returned to find that a magazine called Reason is telling its readers that Mean Martin Manning just wants to be left alone (in the November issue).

Tell that to his victims! For a magazine called Reason, it isn't very reasonable! When we win this election, we'll have to look into protecting Americans from this negligent non-journalism. Surely such dangerous slander is not the sort of speech the First Amendment was talking about.